Mornings like this = one reason animals eat their young

Winter is long, mornings are hard and being a girl means drama, drama, drama. This morning was "one of those mornings". Child woke up in a fairly good mood, ate her blueberry muffin for breakfast and was lounging in bed when her Mean Mother popped her head in the bedroom and said "time to get dressed". The mean mother retreated back to the bathroom to finish getting ready for work and was peacefully figuring out what to do with her mop of hair when the following crisis ensued:

Panic striken and crying, "Mom, I-I-I'm not going to be able to go to school today".

"Why not?"

"Because my pants drawer is stuck".

Mean Mother calmly walks into childs bedroom and sure enough the pants drawer is very stuck. "Hmmm, do you think that this might be why I keep telling you that you need to clean out your drawers and fold things nicely instead of just shoving everything in?" Finally the drawer is open and all seems to be well.

Alas, this is just an illusion.

Child has now joined Mean Mother in the bathroom to get herself dressed. Child cannot snap her pants. No amount of grunting and face contortions will get those pants to snap.

"Sugar, you can't wear those pants to school. We've talked about this before. You have other pants that you can snap, you can't wear the ones you can't snap because I won't be there to snap them for you after you go potty."

Crying, "I have nothing to wear".

Knowing this statement is entirely false, Mean Mother once again puts down the hair brush, and walks with Child into bedroom to find a suitable pair of pants. "How about these?"

"I don't like those".

"Okay, how about these"?

"Those are too dark."

"What do you mean they are too dark?? You are six, why are you worried about how light or dark your jeans are??"

This exchange goes back and forth for a few minutes, all the while child is whimpering and Mean Mother is quickly losing patience. "All right then, go get tights on and put on a skirt".

Wails, "I don't like tights".

"Either put tights on or wear these jeans".

Child grabs jeans and heads back to the bathroom to finally get dressed. Mean Mother finishes combing her hair and moves in to comb Child's hair. Child is less than thrilled and comments:

"Your hair looks hideous".

"Wow! That was such a nice thing to say! Thank you!!"

After hair it is time to put on snowpants, boots, coat, gloves and hat before braving the elements outside. Child manages to get snowpants on but begins crying once again and does a strange little dance, kicking and shaking her legs. Mean Mother is puzzled at this little ritual.

"What are you doing?"

Crying, "I don't like winter. These pants don't feel good in these snowpants. They are bugging me".

It is at this point that Mean Mother has to squelch the urge to bite Child's head off and may have even said at one point, "If we were animals, I would bite off your head and have it for breakfast". (Could have said that, not too sure because of all the crying, was a little hard to hear anything.)

Child and Mean Mother finally make it out to the car and Child cries all the way to school. Pull up to the front to drop Child off and Child gives a big hug and won't let go.

"Sweetie, what is the matter today??"

"I just want to stay home with you."

Mean Mother's heart breaks a little. As she squeezes Child tight, tells her she loves her and reassures her she'll have a great day, Mean Mother is grateful that it is the love between a Child and a Mother that ultimately keeps all heads firmly intact.

At least until the next crisis...