The Bubble Has Burst

First grade is no longer great and wonderful. Blueberry told me last night that first grade is really hard, and she was not talking about the learning part. There is a little girl in her class who has been very mean the last couple of days, and Blueberry is having a hard time. On the way home from school yesterday, she told me that no one will play with her, and she has to do everything alone. Of course my heart broke a little. There is one girl in particular, we'll call her Bulliet, who seems to be the ring leader, and because Blueberry "bugs" her no one else wants to play with Blueberry either. Unfortunately, Bulliet sits right next to Blueberry in class, which isn't helping matters either. Blueberry sadly told me yesterday that she has no friends, and wants to be in a different class.

My first instinct is to be one of "those" mothers and talk to the teacher. Maybe see if Blueberry can sit somewhere else in the classroom. Maybe ask that a closer eye is kept on the sneaky girl who knows to wait until the teacher has her back turned to pick on Blueberry. There is, however, another part of me that says Blueberry needs to learn how to deal with these issues on her own. I did tell her it is okay to not try so hard. She does not have to try to be friends with Bulliet, she has already made numerous attempts, and clearly it has been to no avail. Sometimes you have no other choice than to just let people go. Not give up on them necessarily, but let go and move on. I explained to Blueberry how she needs to continue to be nice, but as for going out of her way to be friends, that is not up to her anymore. She has been rejected enough, and now the proverbial olive branch needs to be extended by Bulliet.

I know this is much easier said than done. Letting go is a hard thing to do at any age. We all have a need within us to be loved, or at the very least to be liked. Sometimes that need causes us to continue to go out of our way for someone, even though, in doing so we compromise our own sense of self worth. No matter how we react on the outside, rejection causes all of us to question ourselves. To ask, what is wrong with me. To look for whatever it is that makes us not good enough in the eyes of someone else. We feel a need to change, not necessarily knowing what to change, but a need to change, so the way others look at us will change as well. The truth is, it doesn't work that way. Just as we cannot command the rain to stop, it is not within our control to alter the opinion someone else has of us. In the end, letting go of who we are, simply to please someone else, causes far more hurt than letting go of the person who doesn't feel we are worth their time or effort.

I will not be one of "those" mothers. I will let Blueberry navigate these waters without my interfering. As much as I may want to, my responsibility as a mom is not to take these experiences away from her. These are lessons she must learn, and if I remove them it will only hinder her down the road. I will, however, be there to comfort her when her feelings are hurt and she needs to cry. I will guide her the best I can, and I will love her with everything I have. In doing so, it is my hope that she will be able to let go of those who can't see how much she is worth, without letting go of herself.