Being a parent is definitely not for sissies. Whoever said it was the hardest thing a person would do, wasn't kidding. Last night Child and I went over to some friends for supper. There was another couple there with their almost 5 month old daughter, Little Peanut. About halfway through the evening, Little Peanut decided she was not happy in the least and felt the need to voice her unhappiness to all who would listen. There was nothing her parents or anyone else could do to calm her down, and she eventually worked herself into one of those red faced, screaming frenzies, every parents has had to endure at one time or another.
It took me back a few years. To a time when Child was about that same age and I had to endure those screaming fits. I remember one night in particular very well. How can you forget something so hideous? We were alone in our tiny little one bedroom apartment, like we were most nights. For some reason Child decided that she was unhappy and promptly launched herself into a crying, screaming fit. So, mommy mode kicks in, clean diaper? Check. Just fed? Check. No sharp clothing digging in to fragile skin anywhere? Check. From my assessments, there was nothing wrong with Child. And there was nothing I could do to calm her down.
I very disctinctly remember the level of frustration. I was ready to string her up by her toes. All the while feeling guilty for thinking that way about such a helpless being. In tears myself, and fast approaching the end of my rope, I tried calling my mom. Surely she would know what to do, after all, she raised four of her own wailing children. Dialed the number and.... busy signal. Waited a few minutes, dialed again and again, busy. This went on for a while longer, dial, busy, dial, busy, until I could no longer handle the screaming and ugly thoughts started swimming around in my head. I am not proud of those thoughts but when you are sleep deprived and alone with a child that is inconsolable, it's easy to see how people crack under the pressure. Anyway, after several unsuccessful attempts of getting ahold of Grandma, I did the only thing I could think to do and that was to pack Child up in the car and drive her to mom's. We got there, and of course she stopped her crying, but I was a mess. Mom agreed to keep her for the night and I had a much needed, uninterrupted nights sleep.
I don't think there is anything that can prepare a person for the impact a child will have on your life. You know there will be sleepless nights but you have no idea just how dead tired you can feel. No idea how hard it is to drag yourself out of bed for the umpteenth time to feed or change your baby. People tell you that your life will be different and it will never be the same, but you cannot even begin to fathom how much it will change or in what ways until you actually have a child. Small things, like going to the grocery store, running a quick errand, taking a shower, sitting down to eat a meal, these things all require careful planning and lots of luck. I can't even tell you how many showers I took with Child sitting in her little seat in the bathroom with me so I could hear her if she cried. The days of long lingering showers were over. It was a get in and get out as quickly as possible kind of thing. Sitting down to a meal was not always a pleasant experience. Kids just know when it's time for mom to eat a nice hot meal and they love to see how cold her food will get before they actually give her a chance to take a bite. Little things. Things you don't even think about, change drastically when you have a baby.
But, the changes aren't all bad either. There is no way to comprehend how much you can love someone until you have a child. I truly never knew what love was until I had Child. There is nothing that can compare to chubby little arms wrapped around your neck or the first time your baby tells you that they love you without prompting. Slobbery kisses, that would have made most people throw up a little in their mouth before kids, now become something to be cherished. Whether you are parenting solo or whether you are lucky enough to have a partner to share the highs and lows with, there is no doubt that it is a tough job. A job that comes with a lot of guilt. Judgements, not just from others looking on but you yourself, second guessing your choices and methods. It is a job that never ends. There is no closing time at the end of the day and as a friend of mine once said, there is no return policy. However, there is no doubt that it is the most rewarding job and I know I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
No comments:
Post a Comment